I wanted to take a little time to give you a personal update. I've heard this song several times this week and it has really resonated with me and how God has been working in my over the years especially over this past year.
"Look what you've done How could you fall so far? You should be ashamed of yourself So I was ashamed of myself
The lies I believed They got some roots that run deep I let 'em take a hold of my life I let 'em take control of my life"
In my life I have built up a lot of shame over the things I had done. I built up so much shame that I absolutely hated myself and who I was. I felt as though I was to far gone to ever be loved or forgiven. I believed the lies that people told me growing up and that Satan used to control me. The lies made their roots deep into my heart and the bitterness and anger begin to seep into my life. “Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” I'm sure you are all familiar with this quote and it become all to familiar in my life. The bitterness snuck into every aspect of my life especially with the Lord and other people. I couldn't let go of the past and give them to God to heal and the longer I held on the more and more anger filled me up. About two years ago I started really taking my spiritual, mental, and physical health seriously.
Standing in Your presence, Lord I can feel You diggin' all the roots up I feel Ya healin' all my wounds up All I can say is, "Hallelujah"
My first step to healing was getting on anti-depressants it helped me get in a better place mentally which helped me focus more on my physical and spiritual health. I began to see life and myself more clearly. It allowed me to take more control over my life, especially my spiritual life. I started spending more time with the Lord and and being serious about setting aside a part of every day quietly study the scripture. I was able to see how important my walk with the Lord was and how much it made a difference in my life. He was able to start digging up all the past hurts and started healing the wounds that caused so much pain and sufferings.
Look what You've done, look what You've done in me You spoke Your truth into the lies I let my heart believe
I was able to see that the lies the enemy and myself had been telling me for so many years were just that, lies. I saw that the way I preserved myself and the people around me was not glorifying to God. I understood that it broke his heart for me to be doing what I was doing. He made me. He created me. He was intentional with every aspect of me. I don't have children but I can image that if I had a daughter and she talked the way I was talking about myself my heart would be shattered.
Look at me now, look how You made me new The enemy did everything that he could do
Satan did everything he could to keep me down to keep me in the destructive mindset that I was in . I allowed him to step in and control my thoughts and feelings. But now LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!
Oh, but look what You've done
Suddenly all the shame is gone
I thought I was too broken, now I see You were breaking new ground inside of me"
God has been doing so much in my life and I just wanted to take some time to celebrate and say "look what you've done". Suddenly the shame and the anger are gone. The lies that were repeated over and over in my head are gone. The voice that tells me I am not enough and I might as well end it all is no longer there. The pain and suffering that I constantly felt deep in my heart has vanished. All this time the struggle and strife that I felt day after day God was using to break new ground inside of me and make me a new creation.
If this is something that you struggle with let me tell you that God can make you a new creation too!
God made me a new creation and I can now say maybe for the first time in my life that I love my life and am so thankful for the many blessing God has given me.